LESSON 2 PSP TRAINING: The ER and the Rehab Unit

 The ER and the Rehab Unit

By its very nature, mentoring is an exercise filled with hope. It is instructive and inspirational. Neal A Maxwell

Lesson 2: Learn and Practice Effective Mentoring Skills 

 What is most important for mentors to know?

• How the church defines the poor and the needy and the unique training we are given to serve those populations.
• How the PSP provides a rehabilitation unit for an already functioning ER (Bishop/Branch President).
• Why they cannot "fix" others
• Vulnerability will lead to connection and aid the mentors' ability to serve those they mentor
• How to build capacity in another person
• How bishops and branch presidents are asked to set up the mentoring process and why this makes a difference
• How to recognize success

What is most important for mentors to do?

• Mentors will allow themselves to be vulnerable
• Mentors will respect the agency of others and allow them to choose their own course of action
• Mentors will avoid fixing others
• Mentors will spend much of their time building capacity in their mentees by using encouraging and inspiring words
• Mentors will work proactively with bishops and branch presidents to get each mentee started effectively

What is most important for mentors to believe?

• To attempt to fix another person is a violation of agency
• Mentoring has its best opportunity for success when the mentees have agreed ahead of time to receive this help.

What kind of person will mentors be?

• From Moroni 7:45 “charity suffereth long, and is kind,”
• Mentors should expect setbacks and reluctance when people don’t believe in themselves or think change will be too hard. Be kind in building capacity. Look for the good in others and express that confidence. Be respectful in language to and about others in report

1.   The Poor and the Needy

Read together page 1 of the document "Guidelines for Working with Church and Stake Service Missionaries" and answer the following questions:

1. How does the church define the poor as compared to the needy?
2. What does the PSP bring to the wards and branches to assist them in serving both the poor and the needy?
3. Who is the PSP uniquely trained to serve? 

2. Discussion: The ER and the Rehab Unit

1. What is the difference between an Emergency Room and a Rehabilitation Unit? The Emergency Room deals with the immediate needs of patients. Rehabilitation Units are responsible for teaching the skills of recovery and encouraging the patient to use those skills so they can take care of themselves.  
   
2. How is the welfare role of the Bishop or Branch President like the ER doctor? How can the PSP mentors fulfill the role of the Rehab Unit? 
   
   
   
   

3. Why Mentors should not attempt to "fix" others

  WATCH TOGETHER THE VIDEO: It's Not about the Nail

  DISCUSSION: Fighting the Urge to Fix

• Why do we want to pull that nail out so badly?
• What kinds of things in your mentoring seem so obvious that it is very hard "not to want to pull the nail out?

  SUMMARY: Fighting the Urge to Fix

• The mentor should say, "It's okay for the nail to be there." How easy is it to do that?
• Your need to fix others is your problem.
• We can't control what others do. We can only change ourselves.
• Be humble and admit our own imperfections. Acknowledge our own opportunity to change. Parable of the mote and the beam – don’t fall into this trap (Matthew 7: 1-5)
• When we choose NOT to address the nail, we free ourselves to just be friends.
• If we get fixated on the nail, we cannot see their strengths.
• You don't address the nail until the person asks for help with the nail. Any examples from experienced mentors? 
• Can a person receive exaltation who has lived on welfare their whole life?  Do we have a problem with perspective?

4. Understanding Vulnerability and how it applies to mentoring

Think about the following three definitions with an emphasis on how these words connect and support each other:

1. Vulnerability is the capability of being wounded; open to attack or damage. Vulnerability involves uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. It means you are totally exposed and yet it is NOT weakness. Vulnerability means sharing truth and that requires much courage.
2. Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment.
3. Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world.

Why are these three concepts so important to mentoring? What will it take to create a friendship with your mentees that welcomes vulnerability, connection, and belonging?
 
Read together the HANDOUT “Vulnerability” a story by Brené Brown. Then complete the two fill-in-the-blank questions at the end. Share your answers and discuss the implications for mentoring. (Daring Greatly pages 148-150) 

Now read the following story, also from Brené Brown:

"I remember the first time I went into see one of my social work professors about a grade. She got up from behind her desk and asked me to take a seat at a small round table she had in her office. She pulled up a chair and sat next to me.

In armoring up for that conversation, I had pictured her sitting behind her big metal desk and me defiantly sliding my paper across it and demanding an explanation for my grade. After she sat down next to me, I put the paper on the table. As she said, 'I'm so glad you came in to talk to me about your paper. You did a great job on this; I loved your conclusion.' and patted me on the back, I awkwardly realized that we were on the same side of the table.

Totally discombobulated, I blurted, 'Thank you. I worked really hard on it.'

She nodded and said, 'I can tell. Thank you. I took some points off for your APA formatting. I'd like for you to focus on that and get it cleaned up. You could submit this for publication, and I don't want the reference formatting to hold you back.'

I was still confused. She thinks it's publishable? She liked it?

'Do you need some help with the APA formatting? It's tricky and it took me years to get it down,' she asked.

I told her that I'd fix the references and I asked her if she'd look at my revisions. She happily agreed and gave me a few tips on the process. I thanked her for her time and left, grateful for my grade and for a teacher who cared as much as she did." (Brené Brown, Daring Greatly pages 203-204)


HANDOUT:  Am I Read to Mentor?  

5. Building Capacity (Encouraging others to succeed)

What is capacity? Capacity definition: the ability or power of an individual to do, experience, or understand something.

  What is capacity building? Capacity building is begun once a person has created a vision. The mentors then have the responsibility to empower those they work with in pursuit of that vision. It’s checking in with them to see how they are doing and if they need more guidance, support or just feedback on their ideas. It’s holding each other accountable for commitments made and celebrating successes.

  HANDOUT:  Building Capacity  Discuss the following questions and complete the worksheet: 

1. Why does the vision have to be created by the mentee? (We are seldom committed when someone else tells us what we need to do.)

2. How does a mentor inspire increased capacity and empower others? (Words of encouragement, checking in to see how they are doing shows concern, celebrating success, all of the things in the description above say that you care)

3. Together, create a list of the kinds of things you can say to inspire and empower those you mentor.

4. Side note: when you help others increase their capacity, you increase your own and become more than you are. Relate this to the video "It's Not About the Nail". How did the young man's capacity increase as he learned how to help the young woman?



6.  Why the "setup" matters. Or "Who's got the monkey?"
 
Consider each of these different scenarios that show how a leader might ask mentors to help someone. For each situation answer the following question: Who is carrying the monkey? (Who feels the responsibility to make some changes?)

SITUATION 1: A bishop catches the mentors in the hallway at church and says "Would you please go see Sister Mary Jones and help her?  She just lost her job."

 
SITUATION 2: A bishop brings the mentors into his office and explains the details of Brother Jim Brown's situation with them. He then asks the mentors to make contact and see what they can do to help. (Brother Brown is married, has two young children, bishop has been helping with monthly bills for almost a year, his car has died and now he can't get to work.) 

SITUATION 3: A bishop asks Brother Jones if he would be willing to work with the PSP mentors and create a plan to figure out how he can solve his rent deficiency each month. Brother Jones says yes and then the Bishop tells member to get in touch with the mentors. Brother Jones then calls the mentors and says "The bishop said that you are going to get me a job."

 

 

SITUATION 4:  The Bishop is meeting with Brother and Sister Jones and talks to them about all the help they have needed and tells them that there is a new mentoring program that he feels through inspiration will be a big help for them.  The bishop then asks if they would be willing to work with mentors who will teach them how to come up with a plan to solve the problem and to access resources to make their plan work. They commit. He invites them to come back next Sunday to meet the mentors. 

HANDOUT: In your packet you have the document "Guidelines for Working with Church and Stake Service Missionaries".   We used the front page early in this lesson to differentiate between the “poor” and the “needy”.   This is the document we use to train bishops, branch presidents, and ward councils. You have a copy in your packet so that you will know exactly what they are being taught.   Please read that whole document sometime so that you can better work with your ward or branch leaders. 

STRATEGY: This one technique will help you as you work to keep that monkey where it belongs. Ask these questions:

• What is it you want?
• How can I help you?
• What would you like me to help you with?
• What is it that you are trying to do?

8.  Here is a suggestion of how you can handle a situation when the bishop does not begin the process correctly. 

Personal Storehouse Project missionaries, we share responsibility with the Bishop and other Ward leaders to ensure that we are working together in the most effective way with the needy families in our wards and branches. As we have discussed, the ideal process for beginning our work with families is for the Bishop to secure their commitment to work towards a self-reliance goal, and then for the Bishop, the family and our missionaries to meet together so that the missionaries understand what the family wants to achieve, and the family understands how the Bishop and the missionaries will support and mentor them as they pursue their goals. Given the busy life of bishops, this process doesn't always unfold ideally on its own, but we can help to guide it by asking a few timely questions.

When the Bishop approaches you with a family that he would like you to help, begin the conversation by asking "Bishop, is this an issue of sustaining life, or is it a developing self-reliance assignment?". Asking this question will have several benefits – –

1. The Bishop will have to think about, if he hasn't already, why he is asking you to help and what role he wants you to play.

2. If it is a sustaining life need, then we are all committed to helping the Bishop in his "emergency room" role. Do whatever you can to help resolve the crisis, and at the appropriate time ask the Bishop "now that the crisis is over, what do you think we should do to help this family progress toward self-reliance? Could you meet with them and determine what kind of a goal they would like to set, and see if they would accept our mentoring support?" If he is willing, and they are willing, the situation will begin to develop along the desired path.

3. If it is a self-reliance assignment, then it would be appropriate to ask an additional few questions, "Bishop, do you know if the family has set a self-reliance goal? Do they understand how we would be helping them as mentors? Could we all meet together as we begin this assignment to make sure we have a common understanding?".

4. If the Bishop feels a self-reliance assignment is needed, but the family has not yet set a goal, or is struggling with the faith and hope to change, you may need to visit with family to become acquainted, to strengthen their faith and hope in the plan of salvation, and help them determine goals and plans that would like to pursue. Ask the Bishop to let them know that these will be the reasons why you have been assigned to visit with them. Keep the Bishop informed, and when the family seems ready to move forward, suggest that you and the family meet together with the Bishop to ensure that he understands and supports their plans and goals, and that he understands what resources may be needed from the Church to help accomplish them.

We are the Lord’s resources, committed to helping our bishops meet the spiritual and temporal needs of struggling and discouraged members. With a little guidance from us, we can help ensure the mentoring process is understood, accepted, and productive.


9.  REVIEW: Based on today's training, how do we define or measure success in our mentoring? We are successful mentors when. . . (Possible answers listed below)

1. We are willing to be vulnerable and to connect to others.
2. We do not try to fix others.
3. We don't accept monkeys that belong to other people.
4. We encourage our church leaders to follow the correct procedure for mentoring "setup" and we have a plan for when they don’t.
5. We begin to notice that we are becoming less judgmental, offering unconditional love, seeing the strengths of others, etc. (Ask a seasoned missionary couple to share how they have changed over the course of serving as a PSP missionary)

Practice and invite:

1. PRACTICE: Complete the fill in the blank questions for the Brené Brown excerpt (seeing mentees as our brothers and sisters).

2. PRACTICE: Create a list of phrases that inspire and encourage their mentees as they pursue their vision and goals.

3. PRACTICE: Mentors will discuss with others how to make the initial setup and working with ward councils more effective.

4. INVITE: During the coming month, enjoy the process of building up others, affirming their ability to make their own decisions, and respecting their reasons for doing and being who they are.

5. INVITE: Be sure to involve the ward/branch councils in your work.


Resources:

1. HANDOUT: "Guidelines for Working with Church and Stake Service Missionaries"
2. HANDOUT: Brené Brown Vulnerability Article from Daring Greatly pages 148-150
3. HANDOUT: Worksheet: Capacity Building
4. HANDOUT: When the setup is less than ideal
5. HANDOUT: Brené Brown handout: "I know I'm ready to mentor when. . ."
6. VIDEO: It's Not about the Nail 

 
A POWER POINT PRESENTATION FOR EACH LESSON AS WELL AS COPIES OF ALL VIDEOS USED IN OUR TRAINING ARE ON THE DVD OF MENTOR TRAINING MATERIALS THAT IS INCLUDING IN THE MENTOR TRAINING MANUAL.